At this point it was about 1:00 in the afternoon on 1/3/12. We had just checked ourselves into birthing suite L201 at Sinai in downtown Milwaukee. The nurse and CNA came in along with the resident and Dr. Kelly. They introduced themselves and kind of did the run down on what was going to happen. I do remember that they took a full medical history and I learned that it would take up to 12 hours for the medicine to build up in my system and up to 24 hours to actually deliver the baby.
After that they let me "get settled in my room." Getting settled in your room really means take off your clothes and have an IV put in. I literally had nothing with me. I was wearing dress pants and a blouse and I had my work badge on. There was not much to get settled. Jamal and I spent some quiet minutes together, which pretty much involved sitting cross legged facing each other on the hospital bed and repeating over and over again The Remover of Difficulties.
At 2:00 the doctor came back and asked if I was ready for the first dose of medication. Two pills had to be "placed" by the doctor against my cervix every four hours. After placement I had to lay flat on my back for an hour so they could absorb before I got up and walked around. The placement went very smooth and I started feeling the effects within 45 minutes or so. It started out as very light cramps but the cramps didn't let up... ever. As the hours passed they became progressively worse. We tried to watch a movie but I wasn't feeling well and needed to use the bathroom quite often.
My parents arrived at the hospital around 5:15 or 5:30. At that point I was having pretty severe cramps, which were making it difficult to engage in a conversation. It was really hard to see them upset and crying... especially my dad. I was very happy that they were there, but I also felt like I wanted everyone to just be silent. The doctors were supposed to come back at 6:00 for the second dose but no one showed up. The CNA said that someone was on their way so we just waited. We talked for awhile and around 6:30 I said maybe my parents should get going (I was nice about it). I was starting to feel a little nauseous and I felt like I was on the verge of something. Jamal walked them out to show them where my car was, they were going to drive it back to our house so that I wouldn't have to drive myself home when I was released from the hospital.
At around 7:00 a new doctor arrived and introduced himself. He would be covering the night shift and would be overseeing me from now until morning. He checked me and said that my cervix was still tightly closed and he placed the next two doses. Before he left he told me it would definitely be another 12 hours before anything significant happened. I laid on my back for about 20 minutes and talked to my brother on the phone. Laying on my back made the cramping completely unbearable at this point and I was feeling quite overwhelmed and extremely nauseous. I think my brother picked up on the fact that I wasn't doing very well at that point and said he would "let me go." I hung up the phone and told Jamal that I didn't care that I hadn't laid there for an hour... I had to get up and move around. I got up, walked to the bathroom, and immediately threw up and emptied all systems, if you know what I mean. :) I was shaking and told the nurse that she better get some kind of pain medication because I couldn't do this for 12 more hours. Jamal got me all cleaned up and back in bed. The CNA was there as well. As soon as I laid down I felt a huge gush as my water broke all over the bed. It was about 7:40 PM.
Immediately the constant cramping turned into true contractions. I would feel like everything was unbearable for about a minute and then have a minute where it was completely calm. As luck would have it I had just finished reading a book about natural childbirth that Jamal's sister gave me and I felt so good because, unlike the unnatural constant cramping from the drugs, I finally felt like I knew what was going on and I knew what to do. I was trying to focus on deep breathing and keeping my mind and jaw relaxed. Jamal was sitting next to me on the bed. I wanted him just about as close as possible so I could reach for him if I needed to, but he couldn't touch me. It felt too overwhelming. I just needed everything silent and calm. The nurse at returned at this point with my options for pain medication and while she was fiddling around with the IV machine and talking way too much, I suddenly had the urge to push. She dropped what she was doing and ran to get the equipment and doctor. Just about an hour before the doctor said it would be another 12 hours. It was about 8:10.
In the few minutes she and everyone but Jamal were gone from the room is when I actually pushed out the baby. I didn't plan it that way, it just happens when it happens. Pushing was the easiest part for me and FAR less painful than the contractions. They came back in the room and cut the umbilical cord and wrapped the baby up in a blanket handed it over to Jamal. The doctor felt and said that the placenta was right there and that he was going to take a forceps and pull it out. I told him I thought that I could push it out if he just gave me a chance to do it. I was surprised they were pushing it to move along so quickly when just an hour before he said it would take 12 more hours. It took several deep breaths and waited for another urge to push and after several more pushes it came out. The placenta was enormous which I didn't expect. Luckily it was completely intact. For those of you that might not know, sometimes if parts of the placenta are left behind it can cause bleeding and/or other problems.
They gently massaged on my stomach and made sure I wasn't hemorrhaging (losing mass quantities of blood.) Pushing on your stomach also stimulates contractions that will help control any bleeding you may have even if that bleeding isn't serious. They cleaned me all up and changed my gown and gave me new warm blankets. I was shaking like a leaf the entire time.
After everything was cleaned up they left us alone with the baby for about an hour. The three of us sat on the bed together and Jamal and I just cried. I was still very much in shock and nothing felt real. I kept asking Jamal when I was going to wake up. We said many many prayers while we sat there. I felt a strange mix of empowerment, shock, sadness, gratitude, excitement (probably endorphins) and intense devastation but most of all a very calm sense of love. This was the little being that took an early September swim with me in the frigid waters of the lake by my parents house, the one that I felt fluttering in my stomach, the one that I imagined when I stood in the cool fall wind and took deep breaths bursting with excitement for the time I would be able to hold it in my arms and it could feel the same wind on it's own skin, the little being that accompanied me wherever I went over the last 5 months.
We stared at our beautiful, silent baby.
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